"Vinni! The best exercise you can do is to jog regularly and you won't require to join any Gym" These words of one of my colleague were non stop echoing in my ears since last few weeks.
And one day I decided that "Yes, I will Jog”. This decision of mine itself deserves a standing or may be flying ovation from you all. I haven't done any kind of exercise through out my life, Jogging is too far fetched I even hate walking (Believe me, If Infosys allows me I would use my Red Machine to ride to my cubicle and park it outside the cubicle so that I can use the same to go to restrooms/coffee vending m/c/conf Rooms).
Ok now you would say that Vineet you must have played games and they are a kind of exercise, so what big deal? Guys, I leave this to you to decide "How much is Human body exercised, when he play's Carrom, Ludo or Chess".
So, jogging for me was something I had seen in movies, people clad in kewl lowers, short T-shirts, Muzik gadgets, Dogs or Friends (deliberately kept in the same league), branded shoes, Wrist/Head Band etc.
The night before the Jog day I sat down to check my status, I mean how many of the above mentioned I possess to be eligible for being a jogger. Guys! This isn’t a joke my mom always says "Bunti,jo bhi karo man laga ke karo and be the best"
So, Lets see
Lowers (Yippee I have one Thanks Dad!)
T-Shirt (Thanks Di!)
Muzik Gadget(Apple 30GB ipod Thanks Di)
Dogs or Friends(Not much difference, I have many)
Branded Shoes(Adidas Shoes)
Wrist band (Thanks! Yashi)
* Brand names has been mentioned on purpose.
6/6 Guys, Does this mean I am totally ready to take my first step to a fit personality? Oh man this is such a nice feeling and look I even started reaping the benefits of Jooging, Hey look It brings you close to your friend and families and thank them for their love and affection. The second benefit is a bit tricky one, any guesses?
Mentioning their names on the blog improves the chances of me getting more gifts from them.Guys, Jogging has really started working.
Alarm was set in staggered manner, one at 0630 Hrs. And another at 0700 Hrs... Human’s generally have the tendency of ignoring the first wake -up call.
15-Jan’2008 my alarm started ringing 0630 Hrs. I ignored that proving to all my critics that I too am Human (as many a times they call me with different names) as I have the above tendency. And then came the turn of second alarm at 0700 Hrs.
* Did you notice "Time format mentioned above (0700Hrs)",Guys Jogging ain't joke,a discplined act it is so the time mentioned is in millitary style.
Those who know me will easily agree to this that I am very egoist male.Hey I intended to stress on the "egoist" part and not on me being "Male".Anyvys, i use this to motivate me, and if I don't get up I loose and my ego is shattered and I can let anything happen but this. And here I was loaded with all the above mentioned required accessories, ready to take my first step to fit personality.
But wait I have a very basic doubt and I had no one to ask that, I mean I can't call that colleague of mine at this point.Please,don't laugh at this and this isn’t imaginary stuff but the doubt's was really genuine "Do I perform the morning schedule before jogging or..." As I had no one to consult I relied on something which according to people is the most unreliable source.Ya my brain and u guessed it write I went ahead without performing the morning schedule. Reason being that I didn't want to feel artificial kind of. I wanted to roar down like an wild beast into lap of nature and all that bla bla ….
Got down the stairs and as soon as if was out of my building, dunno why but I had this feeling that they are lots of cameras facing me and Mom's around the society are peeping from the kitchen to get the glimpse of their would be son in law. And I started to Jog which I soon realized in over excitement was equivalent to running a 100m race. And here I was at the Gate of my society some 200 m, all drained out bending down.. My tongue hanging out of my mouth (remember that dog and friends, I had become a case of split personality) gasping for air trying to pull in as much as Oxygen possible through all pores of my body.
Gaining composure I start to walk convincing myself that "Vinni walking is also an exercise, you need not run" And I started walking listening to "Eminem"my chest swelling up with my achievement I had taken my first step to fit personality. But as they say nice moments are short lived. And here I see an old man clad in hmmm... Pant shirt and monkey cap. Passing by me...at high speed.Oh! God, this can't be true he even doesn’t have any necessary Jogging accessory....and on top of that my ego was being strangled, I can’t take this. And I ran I ran for my ego...
So that I can overtake him and tell him that” Look Old man I do respect elders but if ya down to competition you goanna have it" and I ran...Just 50 meters behind him and he turns and goes into an apartment.
Oh No. This ain’t hapening, he can't go like this, my ego still bleeding, should I wait he might come and then I would defeat him. No use I move ahead convincing myself that
Sometimes you should let go the aged/old people out of respect and I did the same.
Oh did I tell you that I had decided to jog up the hill instead of plain ground. ..Many of you who know me won't believe this but its true, it’s true that this lazy lump of flesh and blood gets up every morning at 6:00 AM and jogs up a hill. Now, the question arises why a Hill when I can jog on plain ground.Actually, this again is the output of my Laziness Philosophy whose basic motto is "To achieve max. Output out of least input”. Climbing a Hill for 1 KM, i think would be equivalent to jogging on plane grounds for 2KM.
“1 KM main jab 2 KM mile to koi yeah kyun le, woh Na le”
After letting go that old man ahead of me I was determined that I won't give this advantage to anyone else. One good deed a day was enough. I start jogging up the hill and to my surprise or may be ecstasy would be the correct word, I see two female figures jogging ahead of me. I won't mention there accessory count coz I don't need to, as we all know you can beat them or equal them in everything but I bet you can't forget beating them even being close to their accessories count. And I did observe that my list was nothing compared to theirs.
Anyvys, I would share yet another weird thought/philosophy of mine. But before that I request you all please don't label me as male chauvinist or watever.Okis,the fact is that I don’t know why but I can’t see any girl going ahead of me whatever it may be. I get really disturbed when a girl (dressed up like dacoit in 976576565 meters scarf rapped around her face, sometime I think you can sew clothes for 10 kids out of that) Anyvys ya ,I get really disturbed when a girl in 60 CC/4 BHP Scooty or something overtakes me and I would do any damn thing possible with my Red machine to pass by her at a speed of 90Kmph min honking like a street Romeo. The satisfaction I get doing this can't be explained in words it feels I am telling her "Hey madam listen, I respect you, I love you, I adore you, you are the most beautiful creation (without scarf on her face)of God but if ya down to competition you goanna have it”.
By now you would have got the reason for telling you people all this, all of a sudden rush of adrenalin and forget climb/walk I find myself running on the hill and yippee I overtook them and the way I overtake them is also special(Do it in a such a manner as if they just don't exist.. microbes or something)And I continue running and soon I realize that its time for the show off my split personality(Remember that panting Dog on the society gate).But, God I can't do this I have two female figures running behind me, who knows they might also be adoring me for my physiques and stamina....and once we reach hill top they might come and ask me for few tips. And I might coach them for life. .And then we might decide to be jogging partners or may be life partners...This is the question of my Life..
I can’t stop...I have to run... Run Vinni run. One last lap......And here I was at the Top of the Hill...Dewd, stop admiring me. I know I am too much. Leme check out those gals huh they might need my help..Oh common I can't carry then up but leme look down..
Hey what's this? They both are sitting on the rock half way down and doing that Yoga that bearded man teaches on some channel...Oh no. All this time they weren’t jogging behind me. And nor were they admiring me. Jogging partner. Life partner. Dreams come crashing...I always hated that bearded man teaching all crap...He ruined my life…They could have done all that crap it on the top of the hill also. This is cheating...
Anyvys the Good part was that I was on the Top of the hill and I defeated those female figures, Time to console my ego: - they might have thought they can't take more of inferiority complex caused by me and hence decided to sit their Huh...As if I give a damn...
I decent down the hill and how can I forget to tell you the most beautiful scène of the day. Stop the threads of your filthy mind...Coz I am sure you would reach at the wrong place.
I see Moms standing at the bus stop/outside their society holding the bag of their kids...Tifin box...and few kids busy revising up the subject....few kids running here and their. Making circles on the soil...I see moms waiving to their kids till the bus goes out of sight. I see kids looking behind to their mom with every step they take towards the bus…
I sit their and get lost in the days when I was a kid...How I used to hate school? How I used to hate the school bus? Those subjects...maths Teacher.. Ho I used to love playing in the soil…
And one more thing how I used to hate the Tiffin my mom used to give. Same Roti Sabji...again......Why can't I have sandwich?
And as I finish my run I know I would step into the office and go to the CCD beside Building 1(Infosys) and would stand with a Paneer sandwich in my hand..............and I close my eyes and ask my mom...Mom can I have that Roti sabji?...I wont mind if its the same one. But can I have that. I am fed up of eating sandwich… I am fed up of telling my maid to put less salt in the sabji...I am fed up off food courts………
I lost to that old man and I convinced my ego, I made fun of myself in front of those female figures I convinced myself but here I am feeling jealous of these kids…and I have no way to convince myself as I take yet another step to ruin my personality/unfit personality(Junk foods)
I know I have swayed away from the topic and I can't continue as I need to go to the office and then that CCD which has brutally replaced my mom’s Roti Sabji........................
And ya one advice for all you first time joggers “Don’t forget to perform the daily routine before jogging; I realized this late when I reached at the top of the mountain….”
No comments:
Post a Comment